Beth writes

Tag: life

  • Fighting the flames of hate

    Photograph of the author, Beth Birley
    This is me

    Watching all the hate and division around migrants takes me back to my youth and one of my greatest friends. Why am I telling this? I hope to show a different perspective.

    I grew up in an insular community, where the majority of people were white British and working class. So, I can still remember when I was 7 and a middle eastern family with three children moved in.

    Those kids were sent to the same primary school as me, and the boy was in the same class. This wasn’t a bad school, but it certainly had a lot of rough kids.

    Now, kids can sometimes repeat racist language because they hear it on telly or at home. You can imagine how some of the other kids reacted to these newcomers, I expect. Had it not been for my parent’s insistence that I should be his friend; I’d have joined the racist taunts.

    This kid got a lot of that and often answered with his fists landing him in trouble. But there was a place where he wasn’t being picked on, and that was our house.

    And we became really good friends who had each other’s backs and were always doing things together. The two of us were often up to some mischief.

    I was a small, nerdy kid who struggled with sports, and easy prey to a lot of school bullies.
    In fact, when I was 10, there was a particularly vile bully making my life hell.
    This friend would respond by attacking back. At the time I was a library assistant and used to let him hide from the mob there sometimes. I saw the hate and racism he got in that community second hand.

    Unfortunately, we were deliberately split up in secondary school, so our friendship wasn’t so strong. I watched him join the rebels on the school bus while I was trying to be a good kid.

    We parted ways after secondary school. I found out years later he had mental health problems and committed suicide through a note in the local paper. Could I have prevented it if I was still around?
    I like to think he could have talked to me in the dark times.

    What remains is a memory of when I witnessed what hate and intolerance can do.

  • We hold these truths to be certain

    Daily writing prompt
    List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.
    View all responses
    Photograph of the author, Beth Birley
    This is me

    There’s a lot of things people are certain about, am I right?

    Sometimes we think history happened one way, then we find other evidence.

    So here are my 10 certainties in life

    1. My first certainty is I don’t know everything, and hardly anybody could do. It makes us curious to find the answers we don’t yet know.
    2. Dinosaurs once walked the earth
    3. The sun rises and sets each day
    4. When you travel outside your own town you will meet others who are different to you
    5. Disabled lives matter- and work is needed to help disabled people
    6. Superman has always been woke and diverse. You just have to look at the older posters to see the evidence.
    7. Everyone deserves equal rights to clean water, safe housing, good healthcare etc.
    8. Change and revolution takes work, and often people won’t like it.
    9. That I had a near death experience at 15 and was in intensive care for 2 months.
    10. Donald Trump’s name is in the Epstein files – no wonder he is trying to hide it.

  • Overcoming Shadow Thoughts: A Guide to Resilience

    Overcoming Shadow Thoughts: A Guide to Resilience

    Decorative image representing a thought
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    That sounds like a hero’s quest, am I right? … it is one we can all do though. You see, am referring to the shadow thoughts/ or what Action for Happiness call thinking traps, which affect our resilience.

    Decorative image of letters spelling out anxiety
    Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

    What does that mean? It refers to thinking patterns that leave us feeling hopeless, worthless or, despairing. When they grab hold we can feel there’s no way out, so let’s look at them more.

    One I personally battle with is a feeling that I will always be alone. It is very far from reality, but in my head it cries out. When am calm though, I can show evidence which contradicts it.

    Action for Happiness list the main thinking traps as

    • Blaming ourselves – believing that everything is our fault
    • Believing this is permanent – feeling that what is going on can’t be changed
    • Believing it will affect other areas of our life – If a problem is impacting one area, there is a fear it will spread to others
    • Blaming others – believing that others are causing us problems or difficulties
    • Black or white viewpoint – interpreting events as all bad, or all good, no in between
    • Mind-reading – assuming we know what others are thinking or feeling
    • Mislabeling – believing that we or others are one thing on the basis of a single or narrow situation.
    • Shoulds – having a fixed ideal on what should happen, or what you should have
    • Magnifying or minimizing – overplaying or underplaying what something means, how important it is or how likely it will happen.
    • Seeing our emotions as truth – believing all emotions are a true representation of what is happening.
    • Catastrophizing – believing the worst will happen even if it may not do.
    graphic image of a rainbow in the clouds

    How many of those have you felt? If you are like me quite a few but all is not lost. We can beat these traps without bloodshed.

    When you feel those things, try to write down all the evidence which contradicts them.

    So, let’s go back to my case which I mentioned at the top. My main contradictory evidence is that I have a supportive family, other people who value me. I also have had people who wanted to date me, and can go out to find other social groups. Further evidence is my virtual friends on social media. They are the ones I don’t see often (or at all).
    And finally, someone else is always going through a similar journey so we are never truly alone.

    When you feel those thoughts try to challenge them by yourself, or with others. There is no shame in asking for help.

  • What is Accessible Content?

    A question mark made of tiny buttons on a yellow background.
    Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

    Let’s start with what access means first.

    Many people in the world can achieve some things they want to, but not all. And sometimes that is down to lack of access.
    Google defines access as “the means or opportunity to enter or approach a place” but that is simplistic. To me, access also refers to permission to use a resource or take in information.

    A stop sign on a highway, referencing blocked access.
    Photo by Mwabonje Ringa on Pexels.com

    In short there are different types of access, and different needs. Sometimes it’s about being getting into a place, as the definition suggests.

    As a person with learning disabilities, and neurodiverse status this is how I see access.
    With access, I can reach the same goals and outcomes, as everyone else.

    Hand reaching to lightbulb, symbolizing access is reachable.
    Photo by Luca Nardone on Pexels.com

    Wouldn’t it be perfect if everyone got the same education, jobs, housing, and community.
    (Spoiler alert -if that sounds like a fantasy it is one but society could change one day. For now, the pursuit of access is a reality.)

    Picture of blue sky with words Future coming through it
    Photo by Tara Winstead on Pexels.com

    What happens when you don’t have access? You can’t get to the same places or do the things that others can. This is the reality of life without access. To highlight this point let me tell you my own story of getting work as a disabled person.

    Photograph of the author, Beth Birley

    After I graduated university, it took 6 years to get a job. To get there meant having to be put in a disabled box in the end. As someone who would much rather fit in it felt soul destroying. I had to concede it was the only way.  This disabled box though was a specialist employment agency that got me my first proper job.


    Between university and getting a job I did temp work for a bit through an agency. One of the most devastating experiences was when the agency sent me to do an admin for a company. I thought I was getting everything right but half an hour later I was sent home. Can you imagine what that feels like?

    So now you perhaps get a bigger picture on why access is important. Let’s move on to accessible content.

  • Bitter voices- a poem of dealing with your demons

    I once chose to be liked,

    But only found rejection,

    And bitter voices in me

    Screamed like wild banshees.

    They wailed all my anxieties

    And I had nowhere to hide,

    I tried to trust in my worth

    But their tempest was louder.

    I wailed back but no use

    For their voices drowned me,

    With messages of guilt, pain,

    And how we’ll never belong.

    Then, I learned a new trick,

    To help placate their pains,

    I wrote down counter truths

    Of the good things I have done.

    They still aren’t truly silent now

    But I can calm their storms,

    For I have found strength inside

    Even when it seems I have nothing.

  • You matter

    I know this sounds a bit redundant, right? How do I even know you?

    But here’s what I do know – everyone matters.

    It’s hard to see this with our own eyes when we’ve been fed a lot of negativity and rejection, but it is true.

    Even if you feel you aren’t achieving anything, you still matter.

    I’ve seen a lot of the dark places where anxieties wreck the brain. I am still working my way through dark areas while others get along fine. Deep down, the message is there like a gentle whisper in the back of my mind, that I matter.

    And that’s why I say you do too. We all matter, and none of us are alone as we feel.

  • Write your own story

    Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

    If you think this is about actually writing, you are wrong. Although writing is also a very good practice.

    So what am I on about? Life, identity, and setting your own path.

    You see society, family and others will try to fit us into particular moulds throughout our lives.

    The only one who should decide who we are though is us.

    So how do you find out who you are beneath the makeup? Are you ready to have a look in your internal mirror?

    I want you to stop reading for a minute, be in your thoughts and try to reflect on what you feel your purpose is. This might take more than a minute, and it would not be so effective for some in a loud environment.

    Perhaps go for a walk in the park and sit under a tree to think. Once you have figured out your purpose you know what sort of person you are.

    Let me end this thought with a quote from Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society

    “Carpe deum- cease the day.”

    And remember many of you can choose which path to take.

  • Coming out the closet

    Person holds multicoloured heart
    Photo by Marta Branco on Pexels.com

    Full disclosure, the decisions I made and the path I chose were not easy. It felt like the only way forwards though.

    So why did I do this? I began gender change because staying male felt like suicide.

    I couldn’t find myself, anything I wanted was out of reach and didn’t have friends, job or a partner. There seemed to be nothing going for me and I was staying alive just for other people. If I had found a way to learn to be a man that didn’t involve sport challenges or scientific pursuits, I’d have taken it up.

    Previously I had tried Outward Bound when I was 18, and it was Hellish. That is all I can say about it.

    I was 25 when I changed gender. My mum knew for quite a while before because I told her everything. Under her advice I told family and friends in a letter, that way they had time to process. And I think one member of my family is still processing now.

    My Dad, I told first though. His response was “I thought he just liked playing with dolls” . We then wrote the letters. Because my old name was Lawrence Gareth, the new one was Bethany Lauren to help some of the family get used to it.

    This was 2005, and I got my gender recognition certificate by deed poll. Apparently that document is not of much use now. I always looked feminine, so no one saw much difference.

    Friends and family were happy to accept me as who I chose to be though. There were complications when it came to arranging surgery.

    While the surgeon was happy for me to go ahead with it, there was a serious risk of me dying on the operating table due to having haemolytic anaemia and primary immunodeficiency.

    I had already lost enough weight to have the surgery and gone through electrolysis to remove the body hair. I had to make a hard choice and realised I couldn’t risk my life for it.

    Would I have found myself better as fully femme? I don’t know, but I am what I am. If you feel stuck in a rut find a way to change it.