That sounds like a hero’s quest, am I right? … it is one we can all do though. You see, am referring to the shadow thoughts/ or what Action for Happiness call thinking traps, which affect our resilience.
What does that mean? It refers to thinking patterns that leave us feeling hopeless, worthless or, despairing. When they grab hold we can feel there’s no way out, so let’s look at them more.
One I personally battle with is a feeling that I will always be alone. It is very far from reality, but in my head it cries out. When am calm though, I can show evidence which contradicts it.
Action for Happiness list the main thinking traps as
Blaming ourselves – believing that everything is our fault
Believing this is permanent – feeling that what is going on can’t be changed
Believing it will affect other areas of our life – If a problem is impacting one area, there is a fear it will spread to others
Blaming others – believing that others are causing us problems or difficulties
Black or white viewpoint – interpreting events as all bad, or all good, no in between
Mind-reading – assuming we know what others are thinking or feeling
Mislabeling – believing that we or others are one thing on the basis of a single or narrow situation.
Shoulds – having a fixed ideal on what should happen, or what you should have
Magnifying or minimizing – overplaying or underplaying what something means, how important it is or how likely it will happen.
Seeing our emotions as truth – believing all emotions are a true representation of what is happening.
Catastrophizing – believing the worst will happen even if it may not do.
How many of those have you felt? If you are like me quite a few but all is not lost. We can beat these traps without bloodshed.
When you feel those things, try to write down all the evidence which contradicts them.
So, let’s go back to my case which I mentioned at the top. My main contradictory evidence is that I have a supportive family, other people who value me. I also have had people who wanted to date me, and can go out to find other social groups. Further evidence is my virtual friends on social media. They are the ones I don’t see often (or at all). And finally, someone else is always going through a similar journey so we are never truly alone.
When you feel those thoughts try to challenge them by yourself, or with others. There is no shame in asking for help.
Beth writes 